THE HAFENGERS

Almost on a daily basis, I see all these incredibly, amazingly astounding super-heores on TV. Saving America. Making a difference in Jand. When there’s about to be a nuclear blast, the center of the action is always New York, or Washington, or maybe London sef. But here in Naija…Nothing!!! No super ‘anytin’. We’re on our very own.

If you push someone off a five-storey building, the person will land, face first, because Superman won’t come. If trailer is coming at you and you have nowhere to run, it will jam you because there’s no Incredible Hulk to stop it. If somebody ties you with rope, there’s no Wolverine with his knuckle-knives to come and cut it. Or even when you want to buy something and the igbo-guy selling it calls price for you, Professor Xavier won’t be there to help you read his mind and tell you whether he’s cheating you. The list goes on and on and on. We Nigerians are at a disadvantage without super-heroes.

The question then is this – Are Superman and co being unnecessarily unfair? I’ve thought long and hard about it. I have also discussed it at length with my not-so-imaginary friend, Kaptain Private and we have concluded that you can’t blame them. If I were a super-hero, I’d stay away from Nigeria too.

Imagine Batman wants to sharply go rescue someone in Ajah in his Batmobile, and he’s coming from Ikorodu. Before he reaches, the person would either have died or rescued himself. He’ll use one hour to battle potholes in Ikorodu. Police will stop him and ask why his windows are tinted. Okada will bump and scratch his ride. When he’s about to enter Island, they would have closed 3rd Mainland Bridge…etc.

Or say Thor wants to sharply break one armed-robbers head, he finds that someone has stolen the hammer. Yes. The same hammer that only Thor’s supposed to be able to carry. Naija boys will move that thing and nothing will happen.

Magneto, on the other hand, is jejeli performing his duties. He stretches his supernatural hand and calls all the metals to himself. Little does he know that almost everything is fake. When you’re calling silver and gold and it’s only fake fake Aba made things that are there. Aba made things don’t respond to anybody. Magneto would be a waste here.

Perhaps Iron Man wants to run from one bad guy. He jumps from the building and waits for his Iron man suit to come and meet him. Unfortunately, NEPA has taken light. There is no light to open the door for the suit. And Iron Man lands *SPLAT*. The End.

Superman won’t be able to fly, for all the Nepa Poles. He’ll keep getting tangled. And when he rescues someone and he’s flying to take them to a safe place; If he mistakenly flies over Benin, All those ‘birds’ will ‘un-rescue’ the person.

Spiderman nko? Is it buildings that are waiting to collapse he wants to be swinging from. Kaptain Private said Spidey will prolly have to operate Okada. Smh.

If Hulk uses too much power to jump on all these our badly done roads, He’ll end up underground. And then he, the superhero, will need rescuing.

You see how risky the super-hero business is in Naija? Why do you think no Nigerian has even invested in flying suits and such?

The only heroes we can boast of here are babalawos, witches and policemen…“The Hafengers”.

If the super heroes should even decide to come, I can only imagine the things Naija people will ask for –

“Mr Fantastic, I want to do my BIS oh. Abeg stretch hand and get money for me. Thank you, Sir.”

“Thor, see that girl snatched my boyfriend. Use your hammer and bury her for me.”

“Wolverine please help me give my child tribal mark. All three lines at a go.”

“Wonder Woman shey you’ll help me pose and trick my husband. I want to see if the idiot is cheating on me.”

Even kidnappers will start asking Superman to help them hide their victims in Mars.

If you were a superhero, would you come to Naija?
O_o

Yours truly, A friend of mine

Rantalot.

(http://therantlot.blogspot.com)

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Which kain prayer be this now

Nigerians, they say, are the happiest people on planet Earth. Put them in any circumstance and check back on them, they would have made a joke out of it.
A vivid example of this is the fuel subsidy saga. Meeeeeehn! I laff tire for wetin my eyes see. I saw people trying to learn how fly on brooms(like dem be winch). Shhhiiiooooo! For their mind. I saw a pix of someone “suited” up, parked his Toyota Avensis Ǎ̜̣̍Ϟd rode his son’s bike to office. Una think say I dey lie? Ok wait and see, I go paste the fotos.
Anyway sha, the one wey I wan talk about na our new style of prayer. By now, I know you must have seen the picx I put here. I can shout ooooo. Naija people don create their own style of praying again ooo. What an happy set of people!(Hmmmm…is that grammar correct?). Abegi, lemme jor, grammar no be my language jare.
Expect pictures from my subsidy story soon.
See ya soon.
⌣̊┈̥-̶̯͡»̶̥·̵̭̌ Bigfem ·̵̭̌»̶̥-̶̯͡┈̥‎​⌣̊

WORTH READING! Are you my friend?

Have A Dream

I reckon true friendship is having the freedom to share our deepest thoughts. Unfortunately, many of us choose to take our friendships for granted. True friendship is difficult to find and is even more difficult to keep.  Whilst it is inevitable that our friendships will hit some bumps along the way.

We should realize that we have our shortcomings and should be willing to forgive and forget. Perhaps in a split second whenever possible. Then, there are those who tend to see their lives through a narrow perspective. Thus, there’s nothing better than opening our minds to the possibility that there are always unavoidable circumstances and it have nothing to do with ill feelings.

Perhaps, our lives should not be so harried so much so that we do not have the time to be genuinely friendly. Reach out, try a little kindness and brighten someone’s life every day. And you…

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RELAX….YOUR PROBLEMS ARE NOT THE GREATEST IN THE WORLD.

problemed chickenHey there! Yes you. YOU!!!.

I know you are facing some dire challenges. Things might not be working as planned.

Yes! yes!! yes!!!, I know. But, is that why you want to kill yourself with worry  and crying?

Check that picture again and  you’ll see that your problems are not the greatest in the world.

Just relax! God is in control.
Have a blessed day and a spluffic weekend.